Keep your turnkey away from my touch points!

A reader forwarded the following copy to me, hoping I could explain to him what the company responsible for it actually did. They lost me at “turnkey” – can anyone else help?

Your Turnkey Source For Highly Customized Internet Marketing Solutions

Plug into a proven source of interactive success through xxxxx, your dedicated partner on the Web. Rely on us to provide a full spectrum of Internet marketing solutions, precisely engineered to meet your needs. At xxxxx, we treat each and every phase of your interactive marketing program as a meticulous science – leveraging the latest technology, resource tools, and consumer trends to maximize your return on investment. Because the success of our clients is so pivotal to our own continued growth and vitality, we strive to deliver the highest level of service at every touch point.

Whatever they do, I think I’ll pass on the invitation to be part of their continued growth and vitality. Because impressed as I am with their meticulously scientific, precisely engineered, full-spectrum, solution-filled, resource-tooled and highly leveraged approach, I’m quite choosy about who I let near my touch points.

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4 Responses to “Keep your turnkey away from my touch points!”

  1. This is classic. I’m not sure I could achieved a higher buzzword density if I tried. And you’re right about touchpoints – they do sound a bit dodgy. Particularly when combined with sticky content.

  2. Richard Owsley says:

    Well Clare, as I suspect you already know, they help people promote their different businesses on the internet. The more success they have, the bigger their business will become (like, durr!).

    What they do specifically, they don’t say. But then people who gush about leveraging customized solutions in US English never really do.

    Best advice is, if you ever see the word ‘turnkey’, read it as ‘turkey’, and it explains a lot.

  3. Your never let me down Claire. Hilarious!

  4. Clare Lynch says:

    Tom – anyone with sticky touch points needs to see a doctor!

    Richard – yep, I think ‘turkey’ sums this copy up.

    Carol – thank you, you are so nice!

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