Now, even your cleaner is using corpspeak

These days, even cleaning the loo offers no escape from corporate jargon. This company doesn’t just make bleach, it “delivers” all sorts of corporate clich├ęs, such as “innovation”, “long-term sustainabillity” (short-term sustainability being what, I wonder?), and “commitment“.

spray&wipe

They should have stuck with the copywriter who came up with “Spray & Wipe”.

6 Responses to “Now, even your cleaner is using corpspeak”

  1. Steevill says:

    They have cleaning products for every application too. Thank you Future Supplies; now I can wipe down my Photoshop, get my Excel spic n’ span, and make sure my Google Chrome gleams.

  2. Will Blackstock says:

    I like “committed to the protection of the environment [and] future generations”. That sounds rather like the ethos of a certain environmentally-minded 80s cartoon Captain…
    It continues: “committed to developing products that comply with European legislation” or, to put it another way, “committed to not breaking the law”. With all the furore surrounding fraud in the banking system, it’s very nice to see a company spelling out their dedication to both justice and the environment. Bearing this in mind, it’s clear to me that Futures Supplies are almost certainly a front for Captain Planet and the Planeteers. If the next advert suggests you use the power of water with their cleaner (and possibly the power of heart too), that’s proof positive of Gaia’s continuing intervention to stop the cruelty to the environment of the modern world – now with 100% more business jargon!

  3. Richard Owsley says:

    Come on, give these guys a fair break. They’ve said ‘complete’ rather than ‘end-to-end’ and ‘products’ rather than ‘solutions’.

    It does remind me of (and this was 20 years ago) not being able to find a mop and bucket anywhere in a catering supplies catalogue and eventually finding it under the heading ‘Floor Hygiene Systems’. A bit like a stationery catalogue I’ve just been sent which has a page of cardboard boxes headed ‘Archival Solutions’.

  4. Brad Shorr says:

    Clare, Are you sure this isn’t a joke? No company could be this dense. BTW, to make a complete range of products for everyone and every application, they’re going to need an awfully big factory.

  5. Clare Lynch says:

    Steevill – sounds like there might be a market for an app-cleaning iPhone app!

    Will – good points. And anyone who tells you they’re “committed to not breaking the law” is highly dubious.

    Richard- hilarious. And here’s a tip. If you’re ever looking for hoses in a catalogue, look under “fluid transfer solutions”.

    Brad – a very good point about their factory. I see they’re also in the business of manufacturing families – mass-breeding workers for the production line, perhaps?

  6. Rick Hamrick says:

    You sure won’t see me defending this copy, but the business is a distributor. In other words, they are desperately seeking to separate from the pack of other companies which do nothing more than distribute products which are made elsewhere.

    No, they don’t do a very good job of it, but they are trying. On their website, they show the smiling face of an actual human being, someone with a name and a phone number and the declaration that she would be happy to help.

    That IS a distinguishing tactic. Who knew you could talk to a person when considering the placement of an order at a distributor’s website??

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